I am divorcing motivation due to irreconcilable differences.
Motivation is just not the take charge kind of guy I thought he was. I constantly wait dinner on him and he never shows up. I am pretty sure he is cheating on me with the super mom next door, because I saw her the other day sweeping her driveway.
SWEEPING HER DRIVEWAY? Suspicious. Motivation had to be over there somewhere.
Meanwhile, over here, my laundry impatiently sits beside me, dishes call from the sink, and weeds are crawling up the side of the house begging for attention.
Yet here I sit waiting for motivation. I can't do it without him.
Of course, I guess there are a few problems on my side, too (no divorce is all one-sided, after all). Certain habits of mine might keep motivation away (and when he does come home I do kind of ignore him and play on my phone.)
I have a sitting problem. I am sitting right now, and I must admit that even if motivation was here, I probably wouldn't notice.
What if the motivation I thought I knew never really existed at all?
I think I might have made the whole relationship up.
Maybe there is nothing outside of myself that will come in and force me out this chair; it has to come from me and I have be willing to do it even when I don't want to.
There are many things I need to do but that I don't want to do and for a variety of reasons.
Sometimes my husband works overnights and I can't sleep so I am really tired.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed and just don't know where to start.
The constant flow of homemaking overwhelms me because it is just never done, and I like things that get done and stay done. When this blog post is done, I won't go back to it ten minutes (or thirty seconds) later and find out someone crunched up Cheetos all over it.
Truth is, though, none of that matters because I have duties in this house, and I just keep sitting here waiting for an imaginary thing called motivation to force me to do it. So, instead of waiting for motivation to show up, I just have to do it because I have been given a job to do--and it's so easy to forget how blessed I am to have it.
Strangely, I also find that once I start to do what needs done, I suddenly find this weird sense of wanting to keep on.
Maybe motivation has been there all along like a dust in my belly waiting to be stirred up. I think that sitting too long does that to us, we suddenly find ourselves too comfortable and we just want to stay there.
So motivation and I are back together, but I have to remember that I'm the one who needs to make the first move.